You’re holding your breath, waiting for him to come alive with you and share the pleasures of life, but instead you see the years disappear as you getting older. This lack of nonverbal connection that means so much to most of us feels like a rose trying to stay alive on the desert.
You long for the type of bond between lovers that evolves over time from all of those small touches, glances, and whispers that we expect between couples. But it’s not there. Instead you feel invisible.
With their lack of empathy, Aspies fail to send us signals that we are recognized, heard, affirmed, and loved. But after years or even a few short months with an Aspie, the sense of invisibility is hard to shake, isn’t it?
Even when we are with friends who do affirm us, or even when we have accolades for our community or career accomplishments, we still feel invisible. We long to belong . . . to be understood . . . to be cared for . . . without doing anything except to BE.
This phenomenon of invisibility is about as hard to shake as other symptoms of PTSD. Remember that PTSD or OTRS (Ongoing Traumatic Relationship Syndrome) is a normal reaction to abnormal stressors. This is why our sense of invisibility is so hard to shake. It’s our reaction to living with a lack of empathy for our very existence.
Our next video conference, How to Shake Your Invisibility will be held on Thursday, November 10th at 9AM PT. If you can’t make it, please check back for future Meetups or book a one-on-one educational session with me. While this is not therapy, you can get a lot of your questions answered. Knowledge is power, so with a deeper understanding of how we became invisible, we should be able to come back out into the Light and Love, where we are meant to be.
4 Replies to “What to Do When Your Asperger Mate Makes You Feel Invisible”
Hi I’ve been married to a man that fits the description. It’s been a nightmare.
Thank you, “invisible” is correct and for validating our feelings. My boyfriend of 2 years has this and I adore him but have found myself in a most difficult and cold relationship. Does therapy work? How do I get him to go?
It’s not that you “make him go,” per se. It’s that you schedule the appointment and tell him to show up. Autists prefer the direct approach, not a conversation about these things.
The damge done is so bad…It’s like wondering where did that person who did leaps for you go? More and more problems start showing up. Being intimate is none existant, and I am told I have to work on that for him as well? What happened? Why do I have to constantly change and deal with excuses and temper tantrums, and feeling abandaned as he acts so differently at his job around other people?