I have a spouse with undiagnosed Asperger Disorder (although he & I both agree he is "textbook") and we have an eight year old daughter who has been diagnosed with PDD-NOS. It was actually after her diagnosis that my husband's Asperger's came to light. They have so much in common when it comes to their "idiosyncracies", it is amazing.
I find it exhausting most days just living in our home, as I have very little understanding of my daughter's condition from most of my family & friends (as hard as I've tried to enlighten them gently) and I am not comfortable sharing my husband's issues with anyone else, as he hasn't chosen to do so. I would love to receive somesupport from others who are in the same boat, and know what it is like without me trying to explain it, which is seemingly impossible unless you've lived it, I think.

I have a father who, also like the other commentor's husband, is undiagnosed with Asb. syndrome, however seems to have many, many, symptoms. He is very socially awkward, very technically-minded, interested in very few topics from which he rarely deviates and goes on and on about at-length.

I'm 24, and I've been experiencing life with an Aspbergers parent my whole life; it's only been about a year or so that I figured out that there was something out there, a category of traits and a community of people that my Dad most likely belonged too. For years and years I thought he was eccentric, uninterested in me and after my parent's divorce (which I think my father's Aspbergers had a lot, if not everything, to do with since my Mom had no idea either), I felt like my Dad didn't want to be a part of my life since he never took an initiative to call me and ask how I was doing -- I was only 9 when they divorced.

Since learning about Aspbergers I've been able to understand a lot of things about him and see that my Dad really does love me, never has stopped, and that's very comforting. Sometimes it can get extremely frustrating because he doesn't act like I'd like him to, and it takes him an hour from the time I say, "hello" on the phone for him to go through lecturing me about one of his subject interests before he remembers to ask how I am. It has been especially very difficult lately because he recently survived a MASSIVE heart attack that should've killed him, and he has no idea -- absolutely no concept -- of the emotional trauma that I went through as I stared at him on his death bed, on complete and total life support, possibly brain damaged for three days. Because he lives by himself and answers to no one, he also is avoiding going to doctor visits, not going to cardiac rehab, not keeping up with the healthy eating and exercise that he promised to do and he again has absolutely no concept that watching him basically put himself on the fast track to death again is hurting me very deeply.

The only advice I can give is that your kids be FULLY educated about their parents situation. I don't know much about how capable the Aspb. person is of trying to work on their social habits, but the Aspb, shouldn't be an excuse either. Aspbergers parents need to find, in their own way, some kind of way to be involved in the kids life (my dad and I bond over guitars, which he can go on about the technical aspects of forever and I can for the most part stand to listen). Unfortunately, as the kid becomes an adult, it might be the kid who has to facilitate the relationship (unless the other spouse is still in the marriage to help).

Thanks for posting this, hope my comment helps :) Feel free to email me anytime

I am NT, my husband of almost 8 years is AS, I didn't know until about 5 years ago and then after being diagnosed everything fell into place. We are expecting our first child, something we both have wanted for a long time. I've been looking for resources for him as he worries that his AS will impact his parenting abilities. Of course it will but then all our biases will somehow impact how we raise our children. As the previous person commented, as an NT, its going to be my role to make sure when Dad is doing an AS thing that the child understands (to the best of their ability) that its not them, its just Dad being Dad. I think as long as we parent together and fill in each for each other's weaknesses and remain conscience of the situation, we should be fine. However, he really needs some resources gear to his way of thinking to help him pass the worry, he can get so wrapped up in worrying for the future, he isn't living in the here and now. If you are aware of any resources that may help him please let me know.

Thank you.

Hello, my name is Karen and my Dad has Asperger’s. He is 85.” He has not been officially diagnosed but I am certain that I am right. I have not pushed him to see a specialist because he is of a generation where you do not talk about these things. My hope
in writing this narrative is that perhaps someone will read my words describing my Dad and say “yes, you are right, it does sound like Asperger’s.” I long for affirmation. My Dad is extraordinarily intelligent. He is a retired aerospace engineer. He worked
at NASA for years and was involved in several space programs. He loves parades and marching bands, making posters, electronics, computers, numbers, sleeping, radios, and figuring out how things work. Dad is a voracious reader and likes to read single-subject
books and fiction. We have always lived on Dad’s time schedule. I used to think it was because he was in the Navy but now I think that keeping a schedule reduces his anxiety. “12 o’clock it’s time to eat,” says Dad. “Are you hungry?” I ask. “No,” he tells
me “but it is time to eat.” He doesn’t seem to be able to pick up on Mom’s needs, feelings or emotions. This is an all to familiar problem. Mom wants him to pick up on her needs and Dad doesn’t (or can’t). Dad is sensitive to odors, pain, and sounds. He makes
noises, and sometimes whistles. He has a dark sense of humor and many times his jokes are hurtful at the expense of my mother’s feelings. I know that is not his intent. Dad has never been affectionate but he will hug me when I initiate it. He has difficulty
making eye contact. He leaves the room during emotional scenes on TV and always announces “I am leaving the room.” And we know what this means….he would like us to turn the TV off. His recliner has to be set so he is looking directly at the TV. The room is
arranged around him and is not set up for conversation. When my Mom and Dad celebrated their wedding anniversary they had a lovely party in the church social hall. Dad made a very large poster 1/3 of which were his Navy photos. The rest were photos of Mom
and Dad. At the end he pasted a photo of a plane crash. I asked “why the plane crash Dad?” He replied “I thought it might encourage conversation.” That’s my Dad. I certainly share some of his idiosyncrasies. Our relationship has been unique and difficult but
not without moments of joy. I dearly love him. This has been a very difficult note to write but it has also been cathartic. I have wanted to come ‘out’ for so many years, to share the story of my Dad and today I have….so “hello, my name is Karen and my Dad
has Asperger’s.”